Most of the time, these bugs are a small oversight on my part, or just straight-up stupidity. I’m not perfect, and I’ll gladly fix these things as they come up. I don’t consider bugs in my code that people find to be an affront to my skill; in reality I find them an opportunity to get better at what I do.

Then you run into something like a bug using setInterval, and things just stop making sense.

Edit

Wow. I didn’t expect nearly as much traffic on this article as it ended up getting. I feel I should just put the learnings, work-arounds and the like up here, just to speed things up and to clarify.

I don’t like how setInterval works because if you lose the id reference, you’re hosed. That’s pretty much my gripe here. It’s just not a good implementation. Id’s that start at 1 (or 0!) and increment would at least allow a brute-force loop. A way to get back a collection of intervals in action would be swell. A proper ECMA addition to access the intervals in an object-esque manue would be awesome. Basically anything that didn’t require me to store every id somewhere for use later.

None of those options exist, and that’s the point of this article. The setInterval function returns something akin to a thread id, which you need to hold onto if you plan on killing the interval later (by passing it to clearInterval). It’s effectively a random integer, and the fact that there’s no way to access the intervals in any other way is silly to me. I will continue to think so until the logic can be explained in a way that makes sense.

The result of all of this? Don’t use setInterval if you can avoid it. If you can’t avoid it, pay close goddamned attention to when you use it so you don’t end up losing those all important references

Here are some ways to avoid losing the reference(s) / getting around setInterval:

Option one (original idea at the end of this post):

Use setTimeout with an external trigger of sorts. Gross, but it works well when you need to kill the function, and you may have left a closure / need to kill the function from somewhere else in your code.

//
//
var counter = 1, myTimeout;

function loopFunction () {
	if (counter < 5) {
		counter++;
		myTimeout = setTimeout(loopFunction, 5000);
	}
}

myTimeout = setTimeout(loopFunction, 50000);
//
//

Option 2:

Push the ids into an array, and use the array to kill them all later. Cleaner, but slightly more complex. Solves a slightly different issue to the last one.

//
//
var intervalArr = new Array();

function intervalOne () { alert ('foo');};
function intervalTwo () { alert ('bar');};

function killIntervals(){
	while(intervalArr.length > 0)
		clearInterval(intervalArr.pop());
};

// adds the intervals
intervalArr.push(setInterval(intervalOne, 2000));
intervalArr.push(setInterval(intervalTwo, 2000));

// removes them
killIntervals();
//
//

TLDR;

Click here to view the demo. Look at the source code, you’ll see what I’m demonstrating with this post. Be wiser for the fact and you’re done.

Some basics

So some basics on JavaScript for those that don’t know. review the following code:

//
//
var myVariable; // declare a blank variable

myVariable = 'Hello'; // sets the variable to 'Hello'
alert(myVariable); // will bring up an alert box that says 'Hello'

myVariable = 'Hi there'; // sets the variable to 'Hi there', overriding the old value
alert(myVariable); // will bring up an alert box that says 'Hi there'
//
//

That’s all basic JavaScript variable stuff. The reason I put this here is so you understand the concept that you can overwrite the value of a variable that was previously set. This is pretty much how variables work. It gets a little grey when assigning variable references but that’s not the point of this post.

Now there are two automating functions that people generally use: setInterval and setTimeout. I’m aware of web-workers and such, but I’m not getting into those here.

They generally work like this:

//
//
var myTimeout, myInterval; // blank variables

myTimeout = setTimeout(function(){ alert('Hello'); }, 5000); // After 5 seconds, alert 'Hello'
myInterval = setInterval(function(){ alert('Hi there'); }, 10000); // Every 10 seconds, alert 'Hi there'
//
//

Now in this example, I set up a function instance right in the timeout and interval assignments. You can also choose to to reference a function (not to be confused with a function call, which they dislike but you can work around), but for the sake of keeping my examples small I am using a function instance.

Basically setTimeout will call the function once when the timer (set in milliseconds) ticks, whereas setInterval will call the function every time the timer ticks. The reason You store them in variables is so you can use the clearTimeout and clearInterval functions. These are supposed to remove the timeout or interval from existence, stopping the functionality from happening (or happening again, whichever).

//
//
var myTimeout, myInterval; // blank variables

myTimeout = setTimeout(function(){ alert('Hello'); }, 5000); // After 5 seconds, alert 'Hello'
myInterval = setInterval(function(){ alert('Hi there'); }, 10000); // Every 10 seconds, alert 'Hi there'

clearTimeout(myTimeout); // kills the timeout, so it will never fire off
clearInterval (myInterval); //kills the interval, so it will never fire off.
//
//

Given this information, you may think that you can now go and do loads of timed stuff care-free! Well no, you can’t. You see I ran into an… oddity with setInterval and setTimeout. I couldn’t find any documentation showing this quirk, hence this blog post.

How I found the issue

So today, a colleague found a bug with a plugin I wrote. It’s a plugin that fades between slides. Pretty straight-forward. It has options to enable autoPlay, render paging buttons, etc. The autoplay functionality – that is, rotating between the slides – is being handled by setInterval.

Basically when it starts, I set an interval to rotate. If you skip slides (using a navigation) it stops the slider by clearing the interval. In theory, that is. Apparently somewhere down the line it stopped working, and I had to go hacking through the code to figure out what the hell was going on. As it works out I’ve found a rather odd issue with setInterval and setTimeout.

The issue manifested

Code:

//
//
var myInterval;

function alertOne() {
	alert('One');
}

function alertTwo() {
	alert('Two');
}

myInterval = setInterval(alertOne, 2000);
myInterval = setInterval(alertTwo, 3000);
//
//

<!-- snip -->
<a href="javascript:clearInterval(myInterval);">Kill stuff</a>
<!-- snip -->

Now given the idea of how variables should work, if you were to run this code, you would expect the first interval call to be overwritten by the second. That’s what I expected anyway. As it turns out, his is not the case. You see apparently it actually stacks the calls into the variable. Sort of like an array, but without any of the actual array properties or functionality.

Given that it stacks them, you would think that the clearInterval on the anchor would then remove both intervals. I mean they’re both attached to the variable, so it stands to reason that clearing the variable with clearInterval would sort it out right? Nope! It actually only clears the last interval set to it.

Don’t believe me? run it yourself, or click here for a running example. So I started trying to find ways of totally clearing it.

How about setting the variable to null? That won’t work because it treats the variable as a function reference, and not an instance of the interval system.

What about stacking the clearIntervals? That doesn’t work either. It only ever clears the last one that was assigned. The rest seem to become buried, and I haven’t found a way to surface them.

Oh and everything I just said about setInterval here? It also applies to setTimeout. I’m using setInterval though, because at least a timeout ends after the first call. That is, unless you made a self-replicating timeout function. You may as well use setInterval at that point unless you actually need to change the amount of time between calls, or you have external flags (see further down for an explanation of this).

So basically if you assign more than one interval or timeout to a variable, you’re screwed. You can’t clear them all with clearInterval, you can’t null the variable as it’s just a reference, and you can’t stack clearIntervals, because it doesn’t surface the previous assignments, even though they continue to run.

Solution?

Sadly there’s no sweet fix for this that I’ve found. Basically if you’re going to be using setInterval, make damned sure you use clearInterval before setting it again. If you don’t, you bury the old intervals and there’s no way to stop them from continuing..

A gross but possible solution would be to use a self-replicating setTimeout function that had an external flag that it could use to halt it’s loop.

Here’s a basic example:

//
//
var counter = 1;
var myTimeout;

function loopFunction () {
	if (counter < 5) {
		counter++;
		myTimeout = setTimeout(loopFunction, 5000);
	}
}

myTimeout = setTimeout(loopFunction, 50000);
//
//

If you do that, at least there’s a way to stop buried Timeouts. You don’t get such a luxury with setInterval.

This took me far too much time to figure out today, and either I missed a rather important class in JavaScript school* or not everyone knows about this. I went looking on the Googles, but didn’t come up with anything outlining the dangers of setInterval. Hopefully this will help someone out there. At the very least it’ll be a reminder to me to pay more attention when I use it.

* I don’t think there is an actual JavaScript school, even though that would be very, very useful.

I’ll do my best to follow a format or at least some kind of general flow, but thats going to be hard. The reason is because TRON Legacy sucked. It sucked so very, very badly. At this point feel free to insert whatever sort of ‘your mother’, ‘thats what she said’, or whatever else variable joke you can associate with that statement. I will also state that I haven’t seen the original TRON, but im pretty sure if I had, I’d have probably been pretty upset with what the new release has done.

So with that out of the way…

Overview

TRON legacy, near as I could tell, goes like this: A boy’s father either a: made the original TRON and goes back in to perfect it; or, b: was in the last movie, but was probably not the original creator, and instead goes to make a new version and/or work on the old version.

Anyways, some obvious logic issues crop up and the computer program, CLUE, that Kevin Flynn created betrayed him. Why? Because users were an imperfection, and CLUE was told to create the perfect system. Like I said, basic logic problems. This is logic loops 101 for god sake.

Fast forward roughly 20 years, and our protagonist, Sam Flynn, who happens to be the major share holder of his fathers company but refuses to chair the thing due to his inability to grow up, ends up getting a cryptic message from his fathers old arcade (P.S. his father owned an arcade that somehow hasn’t been torn down or vandalized in the last 20 years. Oh, and it still has electricity). He then gets sucked into the TRON universe where it turns out it was all a master plot by CLUE so he can somehow come into the real world etc. Etc. Oh and the son has to get back to the portal (which is in a totally different place than where he came in for some reason) or he will be trapped there forever (like his dad).

Que the hilarity.

Issues

The premise itself isn’t terrible. Is it oscar worthy? Fuck no, but then again a lot of movies I enjoy can be classed in such a way. It’s a sci-fi movie, and as with all sci-fi movies, I have long since learned to let a lot of shit slide. A lot of utterly bizarre, useless, or outright insane things can and should just be accepted for the sake of the movie. Hell the only time I generally get pissed is when known scientific facts, such as physics, are thrown into a dark cupboard and kept there all night without its dinner.

TRON legacy really pushes a lot of the scientific boundary stuff but it’s an entirely new world so okay fine, whatever you want to do in that universe is well enough. I wont even touch on the fact that it was a linux build, and somehow didn’t crash or require any sort of bootstrapping to get going.

Now, I could create a list of the obvious flaws, of which there are many, such as how come light planes can somehow stall in a world that effectively has no atmosphere. I wont though, because it would both quadruple the length of this review, and there are others who have done a much better job than I could. Google yourself some reviews and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

My major issue is the fact that the acting in this movie, with a quazi-exception for Simon Pegg, was by far the worst acting I have seen in a large scale movie... Possibly ever. Seriously. Everyone is pushing for a single-dimension of complexity, and their character bios can be drawn in goddamned smelly-marker.
Like so:

• Kevin Flynn, Father, ambitious when young, hoisted by own petard when older. When old becomes a zen hippy who will sacrifice himself for his son to make up for fucking off for 20 years. Make sure he says some obviously hippy things, like “harshing my mellow” or something, but make sure they are all delivered painfully.
• Sam Flynn, Son, a renegade that doesn’t want to grow up nor take over his fathers company due to resentment. Basically trys to emulate the new Kirk, but without the acting flair or joy.
• Quorra, Girl, obvious love interest, naive but a good fighter. Must be rescued at least once during the movie. Also, she is an obvious plot device.
• CLUE. The computer program that, despite being born in the single, most complex code-base in the universe, takes his initial instruction literally, which makes him an asshole for some reason.
• Rinzler, the eventual turn-coat, who does so for reasons that don’t actually make sense, even in the goddamned TRON universe. Deus ex machina in a helmut. Make sure he looks like evil Stig.  - Before anyone bitches, yes I know that he used to be a a good guy, blah blah blah, but his reverting back makes no sense.
• Zeus, a super flamboyant David Bowie knock-off who has read Alice in Wonderland and has upsettingly dark gay fantasies with with Mad Hatter. Oh also he has to turn on the users. Give him a cane, every flamboyant turn-coat has one.
• Everyone else, fucking useless.

If you take these characters and the plot points mentioned previously, you will get the gist of the new TRON.

More issues

I wouldn’t be so angry about the new TRON if it didn’t look so damned cool. Seriously, the movie is a visual orgasm of technology. The fact that it looks so good, whilst the acting was so terrible points out just where all the money was spent. Well, not all of the money. The rest went to Daft Punk, who did their absolute damnedest to make up for the the terribly story the only way they know how: fresh beats.

The music really does need some special mention here, because it was really, very good. Not as Daft Punk-y as I was expecting, but very good regardless. It is a soundtrack, and one I will seriously consider purchasing. Sadly, this will cause people to ask me about the movie and how boss I thought it was, which will lead to a similar tirade to the one you are reading now, and will end in some awkward silence.

Summary

TRON Legacy is a super-cool tech demo put to a bitchin’ soundtrack that was ruined by the addition of actors.

3/10  (7/10 if someone can make a cut that doesn’t have any actors in it)

Anyways, I was a developer at a smaller web development company that was run more through fear and unreasonable expectations than through proper management savvy. This place also had a habit of paying its female employees lower than the males, despite experience and obvious credentials. I don’t want to draw any correlation here, but I’m sure your mind can work something out on its own.

Before we get into the story, I should point out that in work environments, I tend to be fairly outspoken, and chatty. This doesn’t seem to hinder my work or the work of those around me. This is just how i work; I am a surprisingly social creature at my workplace. People tend to know what I think about what I’m working on, situations at work, and most topics that get discussed around me. Its a good working model for me. Sadly this model didn’t work so well with management at my old job.

The Story

So it was annual review time. A week prior to our expected meetings with our manager I, like everyone else, was given a sheet for a self-analysis review. We were to outline our strengths, weaknesses, goals etc. It was all very open-ended. Well, I thought it was, apparently there was a correct way to fill it out, and I had just missed something. There was a section at the end for goals I wanted to achieve; personally, professionally, etc. I had no real problem coming up with some answers for the professional section, but I was reluctant to list any personal goals. I came up with some answers, submitted my paperwork, and continued on working.

A week later my meeting with management arrives. I step into his uniform, unadorned, clinically sterile office. This was a man about efficiency; he didn’t take bullshit, he felt he didn’t deal in it (this is suspect) and was generally quite boring; well boring except for the fact he could dead lift 300 pounds. Seriously, he worked out like Arnold. He was, however as anal as the boss from The Incredibles. That whole scene with him lining up the pencils on his desk calendar?

That’s a real thing.

He sits me down and we stare at each other in silence for roughly a minute; him with a frown, me with what was probably a bored look on my face. I couldn’t help it; this was not something i wanted to be doing considering the timelines they liked to throw at me. Frankly I had more important things to do with my time than what I considered a formality. Had I known what was to come, I’d have been a bit more on my A game.

He opened with the easy compliments, and then went after my behavior (and his distaste for it), and then said “but the real problem i have today is with your goals.”

“My goals?” I responded. “what about my goals?”

“Well Corey, when i set a goal, i give myself a clear timeframe in which to achieve it by. Say I wanted to read a book, I’d set a goal that I will read that book by March 21, 2007. Your goals,” he says as he motions to my self-analysis paper, “are too vague. You’ll never really achieve them with goals like that. You didn’t even write that many down. You can’t tell me you don’t have goals.”

I tried to hide a smile. My reasoning for vague goals is that I had absolutely no intention of sharing any of my legitimate goals, work, personal, or other to them. I didn’t like working there, and i didn’t like how it was run, and to be honest i didn’t really like them. So yes, my goals were vague and not really defined, which was by design. Apparently my manager took notice of this, and than took the completely wrong impression from it.

Now, not noticing my smirk or utterly unfazed by it, he went on: “we really want you to get some more focus Corey, so here’s what were going to do: we’re going to split your raise for now. You’ll get half now, and we’ll have another chat in a little while and see about that second half.”

Yes, apparently the best way to motivate me into having better goals was to punish my financially.

“Uh, okay.” I responded, not because I was offended (though I should have been), but because their tactic honestly confused me. Did they honestly think this was going to make me more motivated? Apparently so, but they wanted to give me that extra push: ”Something else i want you to do Corey… There’s a movie id like you to watch. Its all about setting goals and keeping focused, despite what comes your way. That’s something else you need to work on: focus.”

As an aside, let it be known that by this point my projects where the only ones that managed to hit any sort of timelines, and I had worked 50 hour work days to make sure i hit those deadlines. Lack of focus my left gingery testicle.

At this point I was honestly trying not to laugh. A movie. Seriously? You’ve just robbed me of half my wage increase, and now you want me to go watch a movie?

“It’s called Rudy. Its a fantastic film, I really think you’ll get a lot out of it. Have you seen it before?” he said, smiling at me in what I assume was his best fatherly smile.

“Nope” said I, still totally blind-sided by the situation, “can’t say that I have.”

“You go home and watch it tonight, then come talk to me tomorrow. I really think you’ll learn a lot.”

“Y..yeah, sure” I muttered. I sat there for a moment longer, before the awkwardness of the moment hit the ’14 year old male doing a presentation in front of his class for sex ed.’ level of uncomfortableness.

I went back to my desk and sat down, and explained to my neighbor (one of the female employees who had similar opinions to my own about the company) and explained what had just gone down in our managers office.. She laughed when I mentioned the video, but refused to tell me what I was in for.

I know why now, and my revenge on her will be devastating.

Before we get to the review…

I am sure a great many number of people love Rudy. It really is a soul-stirrer. Underprivileged guy makes his way into school despite all odds, studies hard, makes it onto the team, and in the end he finally get to achieve his life-long dream of playing for … Whatever the hell football team he adored. I obviously paid close attention.

My problem was probably the fact that I went in watching this movie, I was cynical due to the context in which I was told to watch it; that is, I only got half my raise because of vague goals and an apparent lack of focus. You are going to have to forgive me a bit for my inability to appreciate what may very well be a decent movie. I don’t think any suggested movie can really be appreciated in a similar situation.

Anyways, lets see what I took from Rudy, given the context.

My curt, somewhat biased review of the movie ‘Rudy’

A slow, small, un-athletic teenager from a lower middle class family has a dream of playing for a college football team. He makes sure everyone knows about this dream, and refuses to listen to their pointing out the obvious; namely that he is slow, short, and poor. He starts working at the steel mill with his father, where he continues to tell everyone about his goal in life. Everyone laughs. Rudy is resentful and becomes more determined to prove them wrong.

Rudy heads off to the college and weasels his way into campus life by begging a preacher to sponsor him and then living off of the charity of the groundskeeper. I will give him credit: he is resourceful. He basically lives in the shed in the football stadium.

Fast forward through a montage of Rudy studying hard, applying for the main school and getting rejected every semesters’ end until we have Rudy’s first big (and obvious) break: he gets into the big school. He does, of course continue to study hard, because hell, why not.

So now that Rudy has made it to college, he starts begging to get onto the team. He is obviously denied. It takes more than grades to get onto the team. You need things like skill, strength, and to be roughly 7 inches taller. No matter, obvious job requirements matter not to Rudy. He keeps pestering until he gets onto the maintenance crew for the team and starts befriending the team members. After months of this, he manages to get onto the reserve team. Once again this is due the charity of those in better positions.

Game season starts, and of course he is begging to get onto the team. He’s got moxy! Once again the coach points out that he is too small, slow, and unskilled to ever make it onto the team. Moxy or not, he’s just not a decent fit into a line-up of skilled players. He is almost literally the short, fat kid in the red rover line.

Que another montage. This one involves loads of training, more befriending, and i think there is some sort of half-baked romance in there too. I’m pretty sure his training revolves around a tackle or some such thing. My memory in this is mercifully vague.

About 40 minutes of sappy, endearing crap happens now. It’s just one long ‘everyone against Rudy’s dream’ train, and you are stuck watching it crash and burn. I think he gets to kiss a girl, and there was probably a bar fight. I know that at some point in here, he ends up being super-friends with the main football lineup.

Game day; literally the climax of the film.

It’s the last game of the season.

Rudy hasn’t managed to get onto the main team yet. He is crushed. Luckily, all of the guys on the team love Rudy so damned much by this point in the film, that they threaten to turn in their jerseys to the coach if he doesn’t put Rudy on the team. Once again the coach says no, calling their bluff because Rudy is too small, slow, and unskilled to be an effective team member. Never mind that he montaged his way to probably successful tackle or whatever.

The team follows through, and start to hand over their jerseys until the coach caves and puts Rudy on the team. Success for our poor little beta male! Note that this is the third major example of depending on others to get him where he needs to be. Other than being lovable and studying like a med student on meth, Rudy hasn’t really done that much.

Rudy has made it onto the field, but the coach hasn’t played him; nothing but bench for poor, small Rudy. That is until the team starts chanting “Rudy” or something, and the crowd picks up on this and runs with it. This is supposed to be the emotional build-up that make grown men suddenly have something in their eye. The sap-o-metre is dialed up to 11 for the end of this movie.

There are 4 seconds (I could be wrong here, but I am pretty sure there were less than 10 seconds left) left on the clock. The final play. Team Rudy is up 7-24 (once again this is a guess but there was at lest a 2 down difference). The coach cracks under the pressure of the crowd and puts Rudy in. The coach is a bit of a bitch for peer pressure.

The whistle blows, and rudy performs his singular tackle, enabling him to fulfill his life-long dream at the age of 23 or so, and be carried off the field by his team mates. Fade to black. or Sepia… or… something.

What I learned from being forced to watch ‘Rudy’

By the end of the movie, I was angry. I was also bored, but mostly I was angry. Here’s what I took away from that movie was this:

• It doesn’t matter whether you can or can’t do the job; work hard and suck up and you can make it on the kindness of others.
• Your life-long goal is actually very short0sighted, and after you achieve it, you wont have anything to look forward to. You peaked at 23. Also, your life goal is kind of weak.
• Nothing you contribute to the team actually matters, nor will it actually make a difference or change the outcome of anything you are involved in.
• You are stupid.

So what my manager was telling me (in my eyes) was that I was stupid, got by on the sympathies and kindnesses of others, that nothing I do actually matters, nor do I contribute anything to the team other than some sort of mascot status. Oh, and my goals are shallow and unimportant. I don’t even know if focus was really brought up in the film.

I made sure to tell my manager this the next day. I did make sure to outline that i knew what he expected me to take from it, but I wanted him to know that he should be very careful about what he suggests people to watch. He didn’t seem too pleased with the fact that I basically shat all over his most favouritist movie. I did however manage to leave him utterly speechless.

What happened after this second chat really is a testament to a lack of employee understanding, and what happens when you use 1950s management styles in the new world. That is, a style of management that induces a fear of losing your job if you don’t work harder, as opposed to a method where support your employees.

The day I told my manager my about my take on Rudy was also the day I had signed the jobs death certificate in my head. I stopped talking to people, I stopped being a social person, and worst of all I stopped caring. My work became sloppier and I just didn’t care. Why should I? They already explained that I wasn’t that important, held back half of my raise, and didn’t like how I worked anyways. Oh, and apparently lacked focus, despite evidence to the contrary.

They saw my new, depressingly altered work style and actually attributed it to me focusing more on my work. It was actually quite the opposite; I didn’t care, but they couldn’t tell because they never actually bothered to talk to me about anything.

The end result

Watching Rudy (and the attitude shift that happened after) did drive me to make a rather specific goal: I applied to college for Graphic Design. Right in the height of my “fuck this place I am leaving and I don’t care” phase, they gave me the rest of my raise because I seemed to have a lot more focus. That night, I went home and applied for graphic design school.

That gave me a rather solid deadline in which to achieve a couple more specific goals; pay off my new car, save up as much as possible for school (made easier by the rest of my raise), and quit the job that had robbed me in more ways than my raise.

I guess they were right about the focus, but wrong about the subject.

The lesson?

There are many lessons to take away from here: Don’t make people watch Rudy, don’t withhold raises for terrible reasons; don’t make your life goal to play for a college football team; don’t be afraid to quit your horrible, horrible job; the list goes on and on.

The most important one is actually for the manager: don’t run your shop through fear and doublespeak. Instead of punishing someone for not fitting into your mould, see what they are contributing, and find a way to augment that to the benefit of the company.

Also, don’t be a dick.

P.S. If you’re wondering why this is called Rudy 2, I can field that one. There was at one point a one line blog post on this website that stated ‘Rudy, rudy, rudy, rudaayyyy.’ That’s it. The reason was that I was still working at my former job and feared they’d find my actual thoughts on the subject and sodomize me. It was also a hat tip to the then popular song ‘Ruby’ by the Kaiser Chiefs. Some time down’ the road, I deleted this post due to its utter irrelevance.

You see on Sunday afternoon, the Internet connection at Theresa’s house was dreadfully slow, and would randomly disconnect for a couple seconds at a time. Just enough time to cancel any sort of operation you were hoping to do while browsing the Interwebs. I, being the only tech-savvy person about, was given the … opportunity to correct the situation.

This is not what I wanted to do with my weekend, but sadly when your girlfriend is Internet dependent and gets frustrated when things don’t work (don’t we all though?) it makes fixing said Internet.

Let me run down the possible causes for you really quickly so that you know where I’m going with this:

1. GF’s laptop was crapping itself
2. The phone line filters are crapping themselves (the house runs on a DSL sytem)
3. The router is crapping itself
4. The modem is crapping itself
5. The provider is crapping itself
6. The wiring between the modem and router is crapping itself
7. The phone line to the modem is crapping itself
8. God hates me.

As you can see, I basically presumed that something had failed along the way (“crapping itself” is a very technical umbrella term). Note that for everything but the finale of this sad tale, I was on the phone with technical support, combining our brains to figure all of this out.

Now I knew it couldn’t be her laptop, because everyone on the network was being effected (my own laptop included). I also knew that it couldn’t be the filters, because not too long ago we had to call tech support to find out why things weren’t working before. One of the steps they got me to try was to unplug all of the phones and see of that was the issue, it wasn’t. I accessed the router and it was fine; no lag, no anything. I sat there and pounded the f5 key on the Net connection page to see if it was disconnecting. As it worked out, it was.

“Ha!” I thought to myself, “easy fix, new modem and we’ll be up and running in no time!” This was, as it turned out, a half-truth.

Attempt One: Modem & Wires

I bought a new modem from the provider (120 dollars, give or take a little) and went home and plugged it in. The connection became solid, but still slower than it really should have. “Hmm, alright so the modem did need replacing, but that wasn’t the cause for the slowdown.” I then decided to replace the wiring from wall to modem, as well as modem to router. Shiny, brand new wires were put in, and there was little to no change.

Attempt Two: Router

“HMMMmmm,” went I, “okay so it’s not anything to do with the modem, so it must be something to do with the router!” See the router was also getting on in years, and though it was still functioning it could probably be upgraded. So I started by upgrading the firmware (fuck you Linksys for making the worst navigation on a website ever) and though the router was happy, it didn’t fix anything.

I then opted to upgrade the router (90 dollars after tax for a new Linksys Wireless-N Broadband Router), and set that up. Everything was hunky-dory with the router, and the network was running fine. Sadly though the speed was still painfully slow. A little faster, thanks to everything I had done, but still running at about 300 kb/s (thank you speedtest.net for not going down via my repeated tests). That’s terrible for a DSL, even a DSL at the maximum range from the switch.

Attempt Three: Filters

At this point I’ve become frustrated, and decide that maybe it is a filter after all. Who knows, between the last time I called them and now maybe a filter could have died. I ran around the house and unplugged all of the phones, and did a speed test. Still sitting at 300 or so. “FUCK,” declared me, “what is going on!? There’s nothing left to cause this!” That’s when I decided to canvas the house for any phone that could be missing a filter. Still nothing, until on a whim I checked the sisters room.

Attempt Four: Filters (again)

And here is the finale, folks.

Now I knew that she didn’t have a phone. Hell she never answered it anyways so why would she have one? I had even been in her room recently playing with the cat, and I had seen no phone. She has a Blackberry that she uses for everything. She has no need for a land line.

Of course, there was a phone in the room.

A phone lacking a filter.

A filterless, fucking, phone.

I unplugged the phone, and ran another speed test; 1200 kb/s. I plugged the phone back in and ran the test; 300 kb/s. I then attached a filter (we had two laying around the house) and ran a speed test; 1200 kb/s.

So 210 dollars later, it was a missing filter that was causing most of the errors.

What I’ve learned

Sometimes the simple answer really is the right answer.

I replaced everything around the filters figuring that they couldn’t be the issue, but I was only half-right. All the filters were working properly; it was a lack of one that caused the issue. Had I bothered to canvas the house first, I could have saved the family 210 dollars. Granted the modem was failing slowly and would had to have been replaced eventually. I rationalize it this way: at least we don’t need to worry about the modem or router failing for another couple years.

Also, I’m pretty sure God still hates me, so I’m going to say it was a joint problem.

The irony in that statement will become apparent as you continue to read. It blows my mind how much effort and extra money all of this cost me.

Also it should be mentioned that the span of all of the following events took place over a week and a bit, because I was only at my home for about two days over the entire time-line.

Alright so where to begin? I’ve always sort of wanted an XBox 360, which would come to a shock to a younger version of me. I was always a huge fan of the PlayStation. Sadly since the PS3 has nothing on it that interests me, my loyalties have changed. That and I don’t think Blu-ray is doing very well, so I don’t need a player for them at the moment.

The issue with wanting one and owning one were two-fold. First there was the issue of my T.V. being almost comically small. I’ve had it since I was 13, and bought it with my very own paper route money. It’s colour, mono sound, has no AV jack ports, and I lost the remote so long ago that it’s nothing but a myth. The second issue is that in order to get a decent XBox, I’d be looking to drop anywhere from 350-500 dollars.

As I have a shortage of funds, these two points were a little more daunting than I would like to admit. I told myself that when I could afford a nice T.V. and an XBox, it would be one of those “for me” purchases and left it at that. Then my parents decided to buy a fancy new T.V., and I was given the older one from the family room. Now it’s nothing amazing, but it has two AV jack ports, stereo sound, and a remote (mind you, the 3 doesn’t work well on it). So I now had a T.V. that would service my needs. The XBox costing too much still put me off the purchase though.

So then Boxing Day comes around, and lo and behold I can get an XBox 360 with four games – Kung-fu Panda, LEGO Indiana  Jones, Halo 3, and Stranglehold -, and a 60 gig hard drive for 260 dollars. that’s roughly 130 dollars cheaper then usual, not even factoring the cost of the free games which average around 45 dollars each. Put it together and I could save 310~ dollars. This is not something I could pass up.

This is where things start to slowly go down-hill.

Day 1 (Friday)

So the flier says that Future Shop opens at 6 a.m. I make the decision to line up at 3 a.m. because they only had 20 or so of these deals. This may sound insane, but trust me when I say that there were people who were lined up there as of 12:30 that morning. The kicker is that due to some insane bylaw in Brantford, Future Shop could only open at 9 a.m.. For those unwilling to do the math, that’s an extra three hours of standing in the cold, hating myself. Thankfully I had a chair and my sleeping bag, so I was alright for the most part. Waiting around for 6 hours was… less fun.

In the end I got my XBox 360, brought it home, and only then did I realize that it is the only NextGen console that does not have built in wireless. Why? I have no actual idea, though “cash gouging” comes to mind. “No worries,” I thought, “I’ll just pick one up while we’re out! How expensive can they be?”

Day 4 (Monday)

100 dollars, as it turns out. Which is, of course, insane. “There must be a way around this!” I proclaimed. I went to the all-knowing Google and started looking around.

There is apparently a way to rig up your XBox 360 into your computer using Internet Connection Sharing. After following 3 of these tutorials, failing, and nearly killing my computer and network to boot, I decided to try a different approach.Well not totally true, I fished out my old laptop, and tried doing the same through that, but it was even less successful; something I didn’t even think was possible.

This whole thing took roughly four hours of my life away.

Day 7 (Thursday)

“I should be able to use a router as an access point, hook into the wireless network that already exists, and then connect the XBox to the router via Ethernet!” This is possible, as it turns out, only if you have the correct routers. D-Link, which was up until this experience my router of choice, does not actually allow this quite the way I want.

What I want:

• Router A is connected to the modem, and broadcasts the wireless network.
• Router B acts as a repeater; that is to say that it connects to the Wireless network from Router A wireless-ly (this is an important distinction) and acts as an additional hub, and/or repeats the signal from Router A.
• Things can then connect to Router B and they will attach themselves to the network, which makes my XBox go live.
• Alternately, allow my XBox to use Router B as an antennae, allowing it to connect to the Wireless signal broadcast by Router A.

What my D-Links can actually do:

• Router A is connected to the modem, and broadcasts the wireless network.
• Router B can connect to Router A with an Ethernet cable, and then act as a broadcast anchor.
• Things can then connect to Router B, and it directs the traffic back to Router A.

Since I cannot run a cable through my house, this effectively screwed me. Of course I only found this out after buying the router, trying, failing, and then finding the manual online (doesn’t come with one!). This took another couple hours of my life away. The router is of course non-refundable. The upswing to this is that when I move out, I have a router. Fantastic. For now though, it sits in my closet, mocking me.

“I know I’ve seen this done though! My friend has this exact setup!” I screamed, bordering upon hysterics at this point. It turns out that the only router that can do this the way I want is a Linksys router, which of course is what he has. This will teach me to leap before I look.

Day 10 (Sunday)

11:45 A.M.

At this point I snap. “Fine! Fuck all of this, I’ll just spend the 100 dollars and get the stupid adapter for the stupid XBox so I can finally get online!”

Totally defeated, I got into my car and drove down to the closest EB Games to pick up an outrageously over-priced Wireless Adapter. I decided against going to the Brantford Future Shop, which is about the same distance as EB Games (in the opposite direction, basically), because they specialize in video games and so the funding should go their way.

12:10 P.M.

EB Games is closed. Not a “back in 5 minutes” closed. This was a “Shutters are down” sort of closed. a Closed closed. No hours of operation in sight.

“Fuck you EB Games, I’ll just go to Wal-Mart” I proclaim as I dive back into my car.

12:18 P.M.

Wal-Mart carries every other XBox accessory, including Viva Pinata face plates, but no Wireless Adapter. It’s literally the only thing they don’t carry. There isn’t even a peg for it. Asking the mouthbreather working the electronics section says “if it’s not there, we don’t have it… I guess.” I hate Wal-Mart.

“Alright, fine. I’ll go to Microplay! They are a trustworthy store that can fulfill my request” I say, my knuckles going white from gripping my cars steering wheel too tightly.

12:29 P.M.

I enter the Microplay and wait until my general anger and distaste for the universe decidedly stops their conversation, and they graciously ask me if there’s something I am looking for. I scan the wall and do not see any wireless adapters. I figure they probably have some in the back, and so I ask.

Both employees look at the wall, then above their heads at the additional storage area and mutter to one another like some sort of synchronized pantomime of ignorance. My forced smile fades as I already know the response: “We’re sold out, I guess” says the less clean of the two. I’m already starting to move towards the door by the time they say this. I thank them and exit, my rage slowly starting to get the better of me.

“Fine. I will go to the Future Shop. The Future Shop I could have gone to in the first place.” This was then followed by a collection of curses, the details of which escape me. Suffice it to say, it was both colourful and creative.

12:45 P.M.

I arrive at Future Shop, park, and stride in. The greeter shies away from me, probably tasting the rage that pre and proceeds me. I walk into the XBox 360 section, and find three wireless adapters left. With 10 dollars off, no less. Lucky me, I guess. I spent about that much money in gas, so it basically evened out.

As I go to pay for the adapter, the check-out girl wishes me a good day with a smile, and I restrain myself from putting a hole in the wall. Thankfully my rage is slowly, slowly ebbing away.

1:05 P.M.

I plug in the Wireless Adapter, turn the XBox on, test the connection, and I’m up and running. The connection is horrid due to my dressers apparent lead physiology. This forces me to re-arrange my entire shelf to allow the XBox to reside on the top with the T.V.

1:20 P.M.

Connect to XBox live, download the OS update, and spend a good 10 minutes online trying to come up with a Gamertag that actually isn’t taken. This is harder than it seems. XBox Live asks me if I want to be a Gold member. To have this privilege (which expires every year) will cost me an additional 60 dollars a year. “Fine, fuck it, whatever,” I mutter as I attempt to explode someones head at the XBox headquarters via transferred telekinesis. I sign my life away and eventually the system is up.

1:40 P.M.

I decide to download Castle Crashers, a game that I love dearly, only to find that I must add Microsoft Points in order to purchase it. 30 dollars for 2000 points (that’s roughly 1.5 cents per point. Not a good exchange rate) later, I drop 1200 to own the game.

In the end…

So lets see: almost two weeks to get the Xbox live, and it cost me 240 dollars to get to that point. How? well 90 for the wireless adapter, 50 for the useless router, 60 for the online membership, 30 more for the points, and 10 for gas.

Good thing I got 130 off the Xbox eh? I would have been totally screwed there!

In the end, I’m glad it is up and running, but the shitstorm that I went through to get to this point almost made me murder someone.

Oh and in case anyone wants to friend me on XBox Live, my gamertag is “Jack Dutson”

Don’t ask, it’s a sort of inside joke with Theresa. She appreciated it.

I thought at first about writing about Poverty all over the world. Then I thought about writing about Poverty in your own country. That’s when I realized I could talk about my own country, because damn it, I live here and this shit’s important. This is probably one of the issues closest to my heart on this planet and I’ll be damned to give up an opportunity to help.

I am against Poverty.

For the grammar and spelling Nazis out there, you will notice that I’m giving Poverty a capital ‘P’. My reasoning for this is simple: Poverty is not just a state; it’s not just something that happens to people. Poverty is a being. It’s a horrible, twisted thing that exists everywhere you go. Wherever you find people, you will find Poverty near by.

Poverty is life going wrong.

Poverty is mistakes.

Poverty is screwing up, hard luck, a missed bill, an empty stomach, a bitter cold night, an addiction you can’t shake,  a child without a home, a man with enough dignity that he will actually beg for help, a squeegee kid, an over-crowded shelter, a woman riding the bus until it closes, a person drowning their sorrows, an under-paid worker, a child labourer, a person who needs help.

Poverty is a disease.

Poverty is a mistake.

Poverty is a thing, and we have to stare at it right in the eye, and bludgeon it to death with a baseball bat.

Poverty in Canada

Canada is considered to be a first-world country, and is a part of the G8. We are recognized in the world as a great country; a land of opportunities and free thought. A place where people can make their lives better.

Then why is it that even in Canada, a place that I am proud to call my home, we have such high rates of poverty? In 2000 Canada’s Poverty rate rested somewhere about 16%. Given the population was just shy of 30 million, that adds up to roughly 4.7 million people resting below the Poverty line. Some reports conflict saying that it was actually only around 11-12%. Going with those numbers, we’ve still got 3.3 – 3.6 million people below the poverty line.

Those same reports also say that as of 2005, the poverty rate is resting around 11 %. I feel it’s pretty safe to say that though a couple years have passed, I doubt that number has fluctuated that much. So we have 3.3 million people that live below the Poverty line.

What the hell?

This isn’t right. In a country as great as it is – sorry world, I’m a touch patriotic – how is it that literally 1/10th of the population – 1.2 million of which are children – are living below the poverty line? I’m aware that Canada does not officially have a set poverty line, but a yearly calculated value. Even with that fact in mind, how can things be as bad as they are?

What can we do?

Well if you want to feel good, throw some money into some hats, cups, bowls, or whatever the poor on the street use to beg. That will give you a warm feeling in your stomach as you walk on down the street to buy food that costs too much and clothing that you’re over-charged for.

If you want to make a real difference, try spending your money and your time helping organizations that are working on improving the quality of life both locally and globally.

Here’s a very small list of national and international charities that you can work with and donate to. If you don’t like the one’s I’ve listed, find another one and get started.

Make Poverty History

“Make Poverty History has mobilized Canadians like never before on issues related to poverty at home and abroad. From hundreds of events to hundreds of thousands of e-mail messages to politicians, from getting organized in communities to meeting with decision-makers, Canadian Make Poverty History campaigners are standing up and making a difference.”

Website: http://www.makepovertyhistory.ca

Free The Children

“Free The Children is the world’s largest network of children helping children through education, with more than one million youth involved in our innovative education and development programs in 45 countries. Founded in 1995 by international child rights activist Craig Kielburger, Free The Children has a proven track record of success. The organization has received the World’s Children’s Prize for the Rights of the Child (also known as the Children’s Nobel Prize), the Human Rights Award from the World Association of Non-Governmental Organizations, and has formed successful partnerships with leading school boards and Oprah’s Angel Network.”

Website: http://www.freethechildren.com

Meal Exchange

“Meal Exchange is a national student-founded, youth-driven, registered charity organized to address local hunger by mobilizing the talent and passion of students. Since 1993, our programmes have been run on over 50 campuses across Canada and generated over $2 million dollars worth of food or 727,200 meals to address local hunger.”

Website: http://www.mealexchange.com

National Anti-Poverty Organization

“The mission of the National Anti-Poverty Organization (NAPO) is to eradicate poverty in Canada by promoting income and social security for all Canadians, and by promoting poverty eradication as a human rights obligation.

We believe that poverty is a violation of the human right to security of the person and, with reference to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights, the legal right to security of the person. We further believe that poverty is an affront to the values of fairness, justice and the inclusion of all persons in Canadian society. We therefore contend that for these reasons, poverty must be eradicated.”

Website: http://www.napo-onap.ca/

The Hunger Site

“The Hunger Site was founded to focus the power of the Internet on a specific humanitarian need; the eradication of world hunger. Since its launch in June 1999, the site has established itself as a leader in online activism, helping to feed the world’s hungry and food insecure.”

Website: http://www.thehungersite.com

United Way Canada

“The Movement is made up of 120 volunteer-based United Ways – Centraides (UWs-Cs) located in ten provinces and two territories and a national organization, United Way of Canada – Centraide Canada. Its mission is “to improve lives and build community by engaging individuals and mobilizing collective action”.”

Website: http://www.unitedway.ca

World Job and Food Bank

“The primary goal of WJFB is to help the poor in less developed countries to become able to help themselves. By creating income-generating small work cooperatives, WJFB helps to provide jobs and skills training for the poorest. These co-operatives have been in the form of poultry rearing, sewing and dress making, desktop publishing, and others.  Co-op members work together to develop and market their product, and share in the profits. Once fully trained, they can obtain jobs elsewhere, so that more needy people can join the co-op and learn skills.”

Website: http://www.wjfb.org/

Save the Children

“Save the Children Canada has been working for over 85 years to bring immediate and lasting improvements to the lives of children through the realization of their rights. Save the Children Canada provides both long-term development assistance and emergency relief. Wherever possible we work closely with local community organizations to ensure lasting and effective programs to benefit children and their families.  We partner with local organizations, communities, government bodies and international organizations.”

Website: http://www.savethechildren.ca

End Canadian Poverty

“End Canadian Poverty (ECP) aims to provide information about charities and organizations that help Canadians cope with and overcome poverty. We hope that summarizing this information will help you to locate food banks, housing support and more if you are in need of these services. Or, if you would like to help impoverished Canadians, through donations of time or money, we hope that ECP will help you to find information about a charity or organization that is right for you.”

Website: http://www.endcanadianpoverty.ca

In the end

It’s up to us people. Poverty won’t get rid of itself and only we as people, we as a nation, we as a world can change things. I’m exceptionally thankful to be in the financial and economical position that I am, and I’m damned lucky to be here. What’s my excuse for not helping out? I don’t have one, and I’d be hard pressed to find anyone that did have a passable reason.

Get out there and let’s destroy Poverty.

Being the smart man that I am, I thought “Hell, I’ll just roll back a version to when it worked! It’s probably some little bug with WordPress, no big deal.” I totally forgot my FTP information, so there was 40 minutes of my life I can’t bet back.

In the end I rolled everything back and now the site worked again, but I was still getting an error that I couldn’t figure out. I tried re-installing the latest version, and I was still getting an error which totally confused me.

Now I’m getting angry. Something had changed between a couple days ago and now. Could I remember? Of course not. If I could remember what I had really done, I wouldn’t of had a problem. As a result I ended up searing a bunch and scrambling to get my site working as it should again. I tried every combination I could think of that involved installing and uninstalling everything. In this process I told myself, “make sure you backup that theme you worked so hard on!”

I didn’t of course, but we’ll get to that.

Eventually I had the bright idea of “Why not just copy my development version over to of the live version? I mean it works fine there!” I forgot that when you’re going to do a blind copy, it’s generally good practice to back up any and all files you may have changed from one server to the other. This includes the files that make up my new theme. The result? I rolled back 2 days worth of changes to the websites theme and the problem was still there.

Now I’m swearing up and down the walls. I’m saying things that I should probably seek forgiveness for having said. I’m angry because now not only have i rolled back my theme and lost so much work, but Isomehow still have this messed up error!

Now it’s time for me to bust out my debugging skills.

• I removed the entire installation including all theme files, plugins, and extras.
  Result: Site is dead. Good start.
• I reinstall WordPress and get it pointing to the old database (which was a fun time in and of itself, as i forgot my database server location)
  Result: site is up, back to the old blue but up.
• I re-install my theme and apply it
  Result: Site is borked because I need certain things in my theme to work. Old error isn’t appearing
• Copy in my plugins
  Result: no change
• Activate “Hello Dolly” plugin (I like it, shut up)
  Result: Crazy error shows up. I’m now confused.
• Deactivate Hello Dolly, and activate Twitter.
  Result: Everything’s great. Still confused.
• Activate Hello Dolly again.
  Result: The shit’s fucked up again.

Somehow throughout all of my backups and my restores, the Hello Dolly plugin got rather messed up. I cannot and refuse to explain or understand why. In the end I lost two days of work, and a day of progress because of a useless plugin. What have I learned from this?

Back your shit up before you start, and for the love of all that is sacred and pure, think about what you’re doing before you do it.

I eventually got everything running again (as you can see) but believe me when I say I could have done without the self-loathing, swearing, and stress.

Shoddy workmanship is not something I wish to convey. As a result, I’m unwilling to pull an article out of my ass and present it. It’s not what I want, and I feel that anyone that takes the time to read my site should be given something worth reading.

To give a run down, I’ve been amazingly busy at work recently. One of my co-workers opted to move on with his life, and so the responsibilities that he left behind have to be re-distributed. The opportunity has fallen at my feet and I’ve had little choice but to pick it up, shoulder it, and move on. I’ve ended up managing two projects, and found myself both at work earlier, as well as leaving later. This is not a habit I wish to become accustomed to, and I’ve made myself clear about this at work. I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I’m making sure that they know it is not a career path I wish to follow for longer than is required of me.

Despite my statements, they feel I can do the job, and do it I shall. This means that I’ll have to spend whole days with the clients, which will land me getting home at 8 or 9 at night. This eats away at my spare time, and helps ensure that anything I want to get done, doesn’t. Hell, I even had to re-arrange a dental appointment because of this, and trust me when I say that cavities are not something you want to leave alone.

Beyond that, I’ve been working on the new site layout, résumé, and portfolio. This has taken a good portion of my time, because there’s a great deal of care being put into all of it. I stated before that I don’t want to put anything out onto the net that I didn’t feel was representative of me; this is no different. My website is an extension of me, and as such should be representative of myself as well as my abilities. Editing pre-made WordPress themes are fine to begin with, but when you’re trying to become a graphic designer, it really doesn’t make much sense.

I’ve got the résumé done except for some minor standards work. I’ve designed the new site layout, and I’ve just started on the markup. The portfolio has been thought up, and now it’s a matter if getting a design I’m happy with. These have taken me way longer than I would have liked, and I’ve only had time at night (an hour before bed every other night) to work on these. The whole operation has been done in moonlighting-mode for the past two weeks.

I also had to make sure that my first client, who will remain anonymous for now, was happy with the work I did. This resulted in my having to change a couple things with the forum, layout, and coppermine installation I performed for him. I could usually only do this at 11 at night, when it was otherwise my time. Once again, this eats into my personal productivity time.

One also cannot forget the girlfriend, who I must spend time with. I don’t get a lot of time with her what with her being in school most of the year (one more year though, and this statement can change), and so any timeI do get with her is precious. My evenings are usually spent with her, and so I’m not even getting home until nearly 11 pm every night. This too cuts into my personal productivity time, which in turns pushes everything back.

So as you can see, I’ve got a lot of things to deal with, and site content is probably the least important part at the moment. It sucks, but that’s the way it is. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to bring my laptop with me on my business trip (Jesus Christ I’ve got a business trip) and try and get some of my personal designing work out of the way. I’m also hoping I can get the last two Doctor Who books of the Timewyrm series out of the way so that I can at least think about some massive 4 story review epic.

Until things settle down and I get some of my personal projects done, I won’t be able to keep up with my old Monday, Thursday routine. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that there aren’t enough hours in the day, and I needs my sleep.

Then I tried to create a Custom List. I had event receivers attached to custom lists (ListTemplateID=100 for those who care) and i got this:

Cannot insert the value NULL into column ‘Name’, table ‘[somesharepointcontentdatabase].dbo.EventReceivers’;
column does not allow nulls. INSERT fails.
The statement has been terminated.

Took me a good two hours of trying everything I could think of with my XML and code, only to be repeatedly thwarted by this database-level error! I tried commenting out different sections of my receivers and still got the error. When I commented the entire <Receivers> section, things ran fine, but not the <Receiver> items inside. What the hell is going on? Read on!

I’ll give an example of what I’m talking about here – the following comes from MSDN:

feature.xml:
<Feature
Scope=”Web”
Title=”Simple Updating Item Event Handler Registration”
Id=”A6B8687A-3200-4b01-AD76-09E8D163FB9A”
xmlns=”http://schemas.microsoft.com/sharepoint/”>
<ElementManifests>
<ElementManifest Location=”elements.xml”/>
</ElementManifests>
</Feature>

inside the feature.xml file (above) it references the following file:

elements.xml:

<Elements xmlns=”http://schemas.microsoft.com/sharepoint/”>
<Receivers
ListTemplateOwner=”ADDABAAA-1111-2222-3333-111111111111″
ListTemplateId=”104″>
<Receiver>
<Name>SimpleUpdateEvent</Name>
<Type>ItemUpdating</Type>
<SequenceNumber>10000</SequenceNumber>
<Assembly>SimpleUpdateEventHandler, Version=1.0.0.0, Culture=neutral, PublicKeyToken=10b23036c9b36d6d</Assembly>
<Class>MS.Samples.SimpleItemUpdateHandler</Class>
<Data></Data>
<Filter></Filter>
</Receiver>
</Receivers>
</Elements>

This works fine. Here’s something interesting though: any comments – <!– Like this –> - you have in the <Receivers> node will be literally interpreted as <Receiver> nodes! That means whenever it tries to attach event receivers to any list, it treats the comments as actual receivers! That’s right, for whatever reason, the code that ties event receivers to lists literally loops through every node (comments are still considered nodes!) and tries to use them instead of using any sort of XPath. How hard is it to use “//Elements/Receivers/Receiver” as your node collection XPath? I really hope whoever wrote that code got the ruler or something.

The solution: Remove comments from your Feature xml file(s).

I say this because God only knows where else this is happening, and the odds of you realizing that it is something that should just work, like comments, are probably not that high. Remember folks, sometimes the most obtuse problems have the most simple answers. Try not to over-think things.

A huge thank you must go out to Janne Mattila for being the first (and apparently only according to Google) documenting this. I wish I had looked sooner.

Some people had to reset the time on their computer. Some had to un-check the starting options (Remember me, Remember Password, and Auto Sign-In) and then do it manually. Others had to go and delete things from their registry, and some even had to repair Messenger and its Sign-In Assistant. Then you had people like me for some reason or another Microsoft decided to totally cut off from their whole service. I mean a total cut off. I couldn’t access their service, I’d get a 404 when I tried to access web messenger. Even their Live Messenger Support website was cut off from me, so I couldn’t even get professional help. It kept telling my my proxy settings were screwed up, when in reality I don’t even use a proxy at all.

I took it upon myself to try and uninstall/reinstall the product and I got half way there at least. I couldn’t reinstall the program, because in order to install it the installer has to download the contents from their server. Since I was cut off from their servers I couldn’t do anything. Thankfully I recently brought my old laptop out of commission, and Messenger worked just fine there. I finally got it working over a day later when my Microsoft-induced ban was lifted.

The point to this rant?

Don’t screw your customers.

I can understand that what they were doing could have been really super, duper important. I get that they had to cut a good section of people off from the service in order to fix whatever it was. Hell a server could have gone up in flames, and we wouldn’t know the different and that’s part of the problem. They didn’t say anything, but instead let a good section of people go without a means of common communication.

This is bad practice.

If you’re going to cut off a good section of people from something that many of them pretty much cannot live without, you need to say something. The only information I found on the subject was what Google told me when I was trying to fix my problem. All it told me was that there were a bunch of others in the same boat with no idea how to fix it.

I’m aware they have a spotless image to try and maintain (whoever they think they’re fooling I have no idea), but when you screw over that many people by not saying anything, you cause more damage to your image than if you just came clean. Sometimes being honest will cause you less grief in the end.

Had they returned a new error number or had a post somewhere on the Internet that said what the hell was going on, I wouldn’t have bothered writing this post.